My Upper Room

Every year at my children's school we have an annual 'camp-out', where all the families get together and pitch tents on the playing fields and everyone barbecues and the kids run around. It is a time for parents to relax with each other, for the kids to have a little bit of an adventure and generally speaking, fun is had by all. Generally speaking.

At this years camp-out there were quite a few activities for the kids to be involved in, from fund-raising to wall-climbing, and there were a large number of tents and people crowded onto a not-so-large cricket field. The confined space and eclectic mix of people did not in any way take away from the sense of fun and freedom that children can exhibit when given free reign, and it was wonderful to watch.

It's an incredible thing to see, that the behaviour of the kids was a direct reflection of the behaviour of the parents. One example, in particular, was quite poignant. When the time came to barbecue I tried to get in at one of the grills, but was actually ignored by the fathers standing there, and one dad in particular didn't make any effort to make space for me, and so I went to the next grill over, where the smiles were ready and the conversation light. I could not help noticing the behaviour of the men at the other grill, the one man in particular. The ground under their feet was littered with cans, paper and plastic wrapping, and their conversation was crude and boorish. I found it reprehensible, and when they started talking about who their kids were, the child of the worst of this sorry bunch turned out to be one of the known 'problem kids' at the school. When they were finished grilling these 'men' took a long, hard look at their mess and walked away. What chance does a child have with an example like that to learn from?

In a controlled environment there is nothing more enjoyable or rewarding than seeing and hearing children having fun, laughing, running around and 'just being kids'. In a controlled environment. As the night wore on, and on, children became tired and parents started to gather their flocks of heavy-eyed, sugar-saturated bundles of joy, and everyone started turning in for the night. It was already late when we noticed a certain group of 12 yr olds beginning to make a nuisance of themselves. We let it go, for a while. At about half past midnight I went to this particular group, who were busy tearing their tent apart and running amok (under no supervision) to cool it, and I thought I was sufficiently frightening. Not a chance. Luckily, I sleep like the dead and so was not awake for the other THREE sets of parents who, between 1 and 4 am tried to get these kids to settle down!

The following morning, after listening to a couple of the parents complaining about this band of hooligans, I approached their ring-leader and berated her for the manner in which they behaved the previous evening. If her parents, or any other of their parents had actually shown their faces it would have been more productive. One of the other parents, who had been right next to all the chaos, came over to thank me for saying something, but told me that she was not sure of whether it was ok to say anything, because they were 'all there to have fun' and they were 'just being kids'!

So, when is it 'bad behaviour'? It's bad behaviour when it hurts someone else. Period. We live in a very politically-correct, sensitive age, where the slightest admonishment is taken as a 'character judgment' and we are constantly living in doubt as to whether or not we havce a right to say how we feel about the way others affect us. When what we do has a direct negative influence on someone else, it's wrong. We need to teach our children that it is not about how WE feel, but rather about how others feel. It's why we don't talk on our mobile during a movie, it's why we don't push in front of a queue, it's why we let an elderly person sit on the bus, even if we've been our feet all day.

When in doubt, ask yourself, is the way my child is acting causing inconvenience or harm to anyone else, or themselves? If it is, it's wrong. We cannot act the way we want to all the time, children need to see it in the way we treat others, and in the way we treat ourselves.